#SOTU address of #POTUS on 1/30

Confused with the title of this article?

This article is about the just concluded “State Of The Union” address of the “President Of The United States” on 30^th January 2018, its implications and its similarities with the challenges we face in India.

President Trump struck all the right chords in this address. I had written an article in September 2016 outlining why I believed Trump would win the election and I continue to believe that he is delivering on everything that he had promised in his election manifesto. This was a different Trump than what we have seen in the past. He was less aggressive and more inclusive. It is clear that all that matters to him is his country.

He spoke about major investments in America (singling out companies like Apple, Chrysler and Mazda), reduction of taxes, investing over US$ 1.3 trillion in infrastructure, immigration, and strengthening the defence forces and other services like border guards, police forces and the fire service. He peppered his long speech with very well placed examples of people who had been carefully selected and invited to this address. He took time to discuss the need for protecting the citizens of the country. He spoke about setting up vocational schools to train the next generation of young Americans.

He spoke at length about the cost of medicines and his plans to reduce these costs very soon. He also referred to the need to respect their National Anthem and their National Flag. He was applauded regularly by the Republican benches and several times, albeit reluctantly, by the Democratic benches. He asked for a bi-partisan approach to many challenges being faced by the country.

As he spoke, I tried to draw a parallel with the Indian parliament. Would our Prime Minister be able to make a long speech in parliament without loud challenges from the opposition benches and without people rushing into the well or tagging a walkout? Would the opposition, even reluctantly, applaud the Prime Minister and this Government for so many achievements?

The analysts are busy tearing apart his speech on every channel and I am sure the newspapers in the morning will be full of views and counter views on his speech. Critics are talking about what he did not say instead of talking about what he did say. Here is a President who is refocusing his energies on his own country and is moving away from providing leadership to the World. His “Make America Great Again” slogan appeals to his constituents but shakes up the rest of the World who have got used to looking towards America to provide leadership first and then blaming America when things do not go as per plan.

The challenges we face in India are no different. Our Prime Minister too is faced with a small group of high decibel politicians and journalists whose only aim is to critique every action that is taken and every word that is uttered by him. Mr Modi’s challenges are much greater. Not only does he have an over aggressive group of opposition parties who can never hope to present a bi-partisan face given their wide disparities, he can never think of supporting or naming businesses since he can never be identified with any business group.

India too needs huge investments in infrastructure in our economy. We need more and better roads and better public transportation. We need more airports and river transportation. We need clean energy and clean air. We need improved healthcare and cheaper medicines and improved educational facilities. We need cheap housing for our masses. We need more control of our borders (yes we have a huge problem of illegal immigrants from our neighbouring country on our east). In a country adding 27 million children every year, we need strong and determined policies to create more jobs. We need to support and galvanise the Make in India philosophy because only then will be create value added jobs for our people.

We need more respect for our defence forces and we must stop these ridiculous FIR’s against the Indian Army. We need a very strong policy to manage our over aggressive neighbour on our western border and therefore we need to improve on the arms and facilities for our armed forces. Our space programme needs to be supported not simply because we want to “reach for Mars” but because this technology helps develop more reliable defence capabilities.

Since Independence, the “roti, kapda, makan” promises have been made by successive politicians and the gap between the rich and the poor has continued to widen. Too much has been done for a few who have amassed huge wealth under the guise of providing employment. We need to ensure that the “have-nots” in our country which comprises of agricultural workers, blue collar workers, people in rural and semi urban India and those people who have never benefited from the largesse of previous Governments are provided opportunities in a nation that belongs to all of us.

We need to provide opportunities for our millennials and beyond, the people who will power our nation into the next few decades. All this can be delivered only by a strong and committed leadership who will be able to follow through on tough reforms despite criticism.

We need India to be take its rightful place in the comity of nations. We need to provide leadership in South Asia and in the World. For this we need a strong and unwavering foreign policy.  

As President Trump ended his speech with “God bless America”, I wondered if a similar statement could be made by Prime Minister Modi. If he did, there would be an uproar of “which God” he was referring to and which audience he was selectively “blessing”!

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The author is the founder Chairman of Guardian Pharmacies. A keen political observer, he is an Angel Investor and Executive Coach. He is the author of 5 best-selling books, Reboot. Reinvent. Rewire: Managing Retirement in the 21st Century; The Corner Office; An Eye for an Eye; The Buck Stops Here - Learnings of a #Startup Entrepreneur and The Buck Stops Here – My Journey from a Manager to an Entrepreneur.

Twitter: @gargashutosh

Instagram: ashutoshgarg56

Blog: ashutoshgargin.wordpress.com | ashutoshgarg56.blogspot.com

Davos, Padmaavat, Karni Sena and the ASEAN Summit

There is never a dull moment in our country. What an interesting and shocking diversity of events have taken place in the past few days.

After a much applauded speech of Prime Minister Modi at Davos, marred only by the out-of-place tweet of the Congress President quoting a left wing publication, and the demand of Congress leaders to discuss the plight of farmers and the poor in Davos, I was expecting to see India reach a new high with ten leaders of the ASEAN countries together for the first time in India.

These ASEAN leaders have come to India, to commemorate the 25^th anniversary of the India – ASEAN partnership. For the first time we will see 10 heads of state at the Republic Day parade and there are major opportunities for India to play a substantive role both economically and politically in ASEAN. After his success at Davos, this is another major success of the Prime Minister.

At the same time, the controversial movie Padmaavat was released much to the delight of the Karni Sena goons (some people have called them terrorists and I would agree) who took it upon themselves to become the conscience keepers of the entire nation and started to destroy anything in their path. So much public and private property has been destroyed and so many people have been physically hurt. Cars, buses and two wheelers, have been torched, cinema theatres have been damaged and shops have been smashed by unruly mobs without a care for the owners of these assets.

Their protest hit rock bottom when they attacked a school bus in Gurugram. Photographs of small children cowering in fear under the protection of their school teachers on the floor of the bus shocked an already tired nation, fed-up with the silence of the politicians. Has anyone stopped to think the scars such attacks have left on the minds and hearts of these children? Will parents ever think that their children will be safe in future when they are going to or coming back from school?

The smug leaders of the Karni Sena basking in their new found (and hopefully very short lived) importance and showing no remorse on television channels, waxed eloquent about how they are the protectors of the Rajputs and the country and that they would continue to disrupt life because they do not like a movie. Who may I ask the leaders of Karni Sena, gave them this right to speak for me?

And to add insult to injury, senior Congress leader Digvijay Singh questioned why movies like Padmaavat are made while some BJP MLA stated that it was “politically expedient” not to take action against the Karni Sena! The opposition politicians are screaming themselves hoarse demanding a response only from the prime Minister, who they know has just returned from Davos and is tied up with the ASEAN leaders and the Republic Day celebrations.  

Every television channel covered Karni Sena and forgot that 10 leaders of the ASEAN countries are in India. In our very ostrich like thinking, we are only concerned with what happens in “our neck of the woods.” Who cares about the nation and the pathetic impression this will leave in the minds of World leaders. What will they tell their businessmen about investing in India once they go back home? ASEAN is not only a trading opportunity for India but strong relationships will help India to position ourselves as an alternative to China who has had a major head start in the Asia Pacific region.

Only in India can we see a complete lack of concern for the standing and the respect of our nation amongst the comity of nations. If we are in the opposition or if we see an opportunity to gain prominence for ourselves, self-interest always comes first. Our journalists, while they must report on constant “breaking news” should also consider that too much coverage of such incidents may incite the frenzied mobs further. Very often, ignoring stupid movements like these ensures that they fizzle out very quickly.

It will be very difficult for the traumatised children to forget this horrific experience. The scars may heal over a period of time, the loss of property will be managed somehow and life will go back to normal again, only till some other set of goons decide to pick up the gauntlet for something they do not like and cause ridiculous and completely unwarranted destruction.

The ASEAN leaders are also politicians and leaders and several of their countries have also seen a lot of volatility. They may let their experience at the silver jubilee summit pass. But the impression their journalists will carry back for their constituents may not be forgotten very easily.

Unless all political parties come together and take a decision to stop these goons “expressing” themselves through their might with the police force looking the other way, India will always be sitting on a powder keg with a very short fuse, to be lit whenever anyone does not like something that is politically convenient.

Today it is the Congress criticising the BJP. Tomorrow it could be the other way around. Political parties will come to power and will lose power but the primacy and supremacy of our nation must never ever be compromised.

Only when India succeeds will every citizen of the country prosper and grow.

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The author is the founder Chairman of Guardian Pharmacies. A keen political observer, he is an Angel Investor and Executive Coach. He is the author of 5 best-selling books, Reboot. Reinvent. Rewire: Managing Retirement in the 21st Century; The Corner Office; An Eye for an Eye; The Buck Stops Here - Learnings of a #Startup Entrepreneur and The Buck Stops Here – My Journey from a Manager to an Entrepreneur.

• Twitter: @gargashutosh
• Instagram: ashutoshgarg56
• Blog: ashutoshgargin.wordpress.com | ashutoshgarg56.blogspot.com

PM Modi at Davos

“What an amazing speech” was my immediate response as Prime Minister Modi concluded his almost hour long speech at the World Economic Forum opening ceremony.

Having been to Davos several times in the late nineties and heard many world leaders, I thought this was one of the finest speeches I had heard in a long time. It was also a very proud moment to hear him speak in Hindi.

Here was leader who combined the depth and knowledge of Indian civilisation with the current day issues of Climate Change, Terrorism and Protectionism and rising national walls to slow down globalization in the World. He forcefully made his pitch investments into India while talking of inclusive growth for every citizen of the country.

Very interestingly, the Prime Minister set the context of his talk at Davos referring to the last visit by an Indian PM to Davos in the mid-nineties when Euro as a currency did not exist, tweeting was done by the birds, Google did not exist, Amazon was a jungle and Osama bin Laden and Harry Potter was unheard of. That was the last millennium, he said where India was a US$ 400 billion economy.

Quoting frequently from the Upanishads, Vedas and ancient scriptures, he spoke about climate change and India’s philosophy of being in sync with Mother Nature. He spoke passionately about India’s target of 175 gigawatts of renewable energy by 2022 and he proudly announced that in the first three years India has already achieved 60 gigawatts. This was India’s answer to contributing to climate change.

Though he did not dwell too much on terrorism, he spoke about it as one of the three challenges the World faces today, clearly stating that there must be no distinction between good terrorists and bad terrorists.

The 2017 speech of Chinese President Xi Jin Ping at Davos addressed the need for globalization. Mr Modi spoke about his concerns about how countries were turning towards protectionism using tariff and non-tariff barriers. This would hurt the process of globalization he felt.

Singling out data as a major driver in the World that will offer solutions for technology driven transformation, he said that an underlying risk would be that whoever controls data may rule the World.

Mr Modi spoke about the many achievements of his Government at some length.

He spoke about foreign direct investment and the fact that almost every sector in the economy are now open for foreign investors. He referred to the direct benefit transfer schemes in India as well as to the “Beti bachao and Beti padhao” scheme. He also spoke about the removal of over 1400 laws that had slowed down progress and growth. He spoke about the youth of India getting unshackled so that they could find opportunities for growth and development.

He commented about the role Indian soldiers played in the first and second World Wars without any territorial or financial benefits and continue to play in the UN peace keeping forces around the World. He also referred to the over 150,000 lives Indian soldiers laid down in the past century, defending the World. He also spoke about India being a good World citizen, helping Nepal, Yemen and many other nations in Africa. He emphasized that India has never had designs on the territory of any other nation.

PM Modi has put his best foot forward as a global statesman, positioning India amongst the leaders in World affairs. At the same time, he has talked about Indian youth ready to propel their country into becoming a US$ 5 trillion dollar economy making it the third largest economy in the World.

He spoke about the philosophy of his Government outlined as Reform, Perform and Transform. “A predictable, stable, transparent and progressive India will continue to be the good news in an otherwise state of uncertainty and flux” he said. As a consummate salesman, he ended by saying that if the world wants “Wealth with Wellness”; “Health with Wholesomeness” and “Prosperity with Peace”, come to India.

It is my view that the chairs placed at the “head table of the World” have now been vacated since the Second World War. President Trump is looking inwards and focusing on the US economy. Prime Minister May is struggling with her nation to contain the after effects of Brexit. Chancellor Merkel is busy trying to cobble together an alliance in Germany so that she continue to govern. Japan is tied down with an aggressive North Korea and an ageing population and President Putin is busy coping with a very weak economy.

China always loves a vacuum and is moving quickly, under the determined leadership of President XI Jin Ping, to try and occupy one of the chairs at the head table of the World.

It is now upto Prime Minister Modi to guide India economically, politically, socially and culturally to take one of the other chairs at the head table of the World. A place that has always belonged to India for many centuries.

India will need to understand and address the challenges the World is facing and begin to think beyond our own problems alone.

Only this thinking will truly position India as a global super power.

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The author is the founder Chairman of Guardian Pharmacies and the author of 5 best-selling books, Reboot. Reinvent. Rewire: Managing Retirement in the 21st Century; The Corner Office; An Eye for an Eye; The Buck Stops Here - Learnings of a #Startup Entrepreneur and The Buck Stops Here – My Journey from a Manager to an Entrepreneur.

Twitter: @gargashutosh

Instagram: ashutoshgarg56

Blog: ashutoshgargin.wordpress.com | ashutoshgarg56.blogspot.com

PM’s Modi’s Successes versus the “Yes But” Congress Naysayers

India is now less than 16 months away from the next general elections in 2019, unless it the Prime Minister decides to call elections earlier. Every election, be it at a panchayat election, a municipal election, a state election or a Lok Sabha by-election, the press makes this into an analysis of how the country will vote in the Lok Sabha elections. Every loss of the BJP is interpreted and talked about as a potential rout for the ruling party.

Were expectations of the electorate taken to such a high level in the 2014 elections that no achievement, however big or small, seems to satisfy some of the voters any longer? Or is it simply a group of politicians and journalists with high decibel vocal cords who have still not understood or accepted that the nation gave a clear mandate to the BJP in 2014 who elected Mr Modi as their leader?

Politicians and bureaucrats, who believe in their “entitlement” have not been able to accept the unconventional steps being taken by the Prime Minister in virtually every sphere. What galls them even more that he and his ministers are getting results. This Government does not believe in “this is how it was always done in the past”, though opposition politicians keep harping on the old ways. Corrupt politicians have been jailed while inefficient bureaucrats have been transferred or sent into retirement. The work ethic is coming back into Government offices and the common person is beginning to get their work done – something that was theirs by right and not as a favour.

The Prime Minister has changed the paradigm.

There is no holy grail any longer.

The opposition has not been able to find a single case of corruption in this Government and therefore they have no choice but to find a response to every decision taken. After all, they too have to survive and hopefully, thrive, in some future election.

It is easy to blame the Prime Minister for everything. From the price of onions to potholes in the roads, from relations with neighbouring countries to law and order in every city and from pollution in the capital to the response to Padmaavat and not reigning in the Kaarni Sena. Everyone blames the Prime Minister and expects him to answer for everything.

Instead of accepting the huge strides India has made in the past four years, we are busy castigating the leader and the party.

Even if the Congress leadership grudgingly wish to accept the accomplishments of the Modi Government, they have a “Yes But” answer to everything.

Let us look at some of these significant achievements and direction setting that has been done by this Government over the past few years as well as the completely irrelevant responses of our “Yes But” brigade. Results of some of these actions will be seen over the next few years.

·     Swachh Bharat is an initiative, a national movement, the Mr Modi announced from the ramparts of the Red Fort in his first speech and he was mocked by many in the opposition for raising this at an Independence Day speech. Today, there is a marked improvement in the consciousness of the people on cleanliness.

Yes But, I see trash in my locality is the standard comment of every opposition politician! They take exceptional pride in being able to take photographs of trash and posting it on social media.

·   Bank accounts for all were promised and implemented with zero balance for every citizen of the country. Such financial inclusion has not been experienced in seven decades post independence.

Yes But, where is the Rs 15 lakhs promised to everyone during the election rallies, say the naysayers, refusing to accept the success of the Jan Dhan scheme?

·     Surgical Strike launched by the Indian Army against Pakistan was a courageous and morale boosting decision that was taken. Never would have the Indian Army imagined that they too could become the subject of questions and in future needed to carry cameras into the battlefield to prove their claims.

Yes But, “show us evidence of the surgical strike” say the opposition politicians trying to cause uncertainty among the people. They are out only to score a political point.

·     Demonetisation came as a surprise to everyone. This was one of the harshest action taken against black money circulating in the economy. This move also wiped out the large quantum of fake notes that were being pushed into our economy from our Western neighbour. All political parties cried foul and businesspersons complained incessantly. Those sitting with large hoards of cash were hurt, not the common person.

Yes But, look at the challenges faced by the common person and look at Gujarat election results, which gave a fitting response against the demonetisation.

·    GST, possibly one of the most dramatic financial legislation undertaken in India since independence, has unified the country into a single tax zone. This has been lauded all over the world except by our opposition politicians and some businesspersons who have been used to concealing income to evade taxes. Everyone talks about the loss to the small businessperson but no one talks about the millions of truck drivers who have gained a more than 30% time advantage because they do not have to waste time waiting at state borders.

Even the upgrade by Moody’s after the implementation of GST has refused to get any plaudits or a grudging acknowledgement from the Congress despite the fact that the rating upgrade is for the nation and not for the ruling party or the Prime Minister.

Yes But, the implementation of the “Gabbar Singh Tax” has been poor says Rahul Gandhi not knowing what else to say to criticise which he must!

·     Make in India as an initiative cannot be questioned by anyone given its simplicity and intent. All that the Prime Minister has been asking for is to manufacture in India thus creating economic activity and jobs. In the process, he is inviting foreign investors to set up manufacturing facilities in India.

Yes But, what about the beef ban say our naysayers who cannot find anything else to question or criticise. When nothing else work, they criticise the metallic lion symbol of Make in India.

·    Ease of Doing Business rating by the World Economic Forum showed that India has climbed from 142^nd rank to 100^th rank in the World. The country has received record foreign investments and foreign reserves are at an all-time high.

Yes But, say our opposition leaders, the fringe is creating havoc and frightening away the investors.

·    GDP Growth hit a decade low of 5% in 2012/13, to 7.9% in 2015/16 and faced a drop subsequently due to the temporary impact of demonetisation. India is seen as the fastest growing economy for the near future and with more fundamental corrections being made to the economy, growth will become more robust.

Yes But, says the former Finance Minister, what about saffronisation of the country?

·  Triple Talaq is one of the most far-reaching legislations for the Muslim community affecting women. Millions of women who were at the mercy of their husbands have been given relief. Barring some interested men from the community, almost everyone has welcomed this.

Yes But, says the opposition without acknowledging the significant role played by the Government in getting this implemented, what about Love Jihad?

·       International Diplomacy of the Prime Minister has made India into a highly talked about subject in virtually every boardroom in the World. Our reforms and the political stability makes India a very attractive destination for potential investors. We can see the results with the records investments pouring into the country.

Yes But, says the opposition who have no way to counter this, “The Prime Minister travels too much and has become non resident”.

·       Aadhar Card, started by the UPA Government has been taken forward by leaps and bounds by the NDA Government. It is the poorer people of society who will benefit from the direct benefit transfer and all other associated reliefs. Linking bank accounts to Income Tax returns, gas cylinders, driving licences, passports, investments etc will make our nation more transparent and inclusive.

Yes But Aadhar is an invasion of my privacy and violates my fundamental rights say people who do not want transparency because what they have will now be visible to all.

The diversionary tactics of opposition members by questioning every move of this government are clear. They want to somehow create havoc with their comments and create some doubt in the minds of the electorate.

John F Kennedy famously remarked in his inauguration speech - “Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country”.

This is the time for each one of us to internalise these words carefully and make it a part of our own mindset. If we want to see India occupy its logical place in the comity of nations, we need to think of what we can do for our country.

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The author is the founder Chairman of Guardian Pharmacies and the author of 5 best-selling books, Reboot. Reinvent. Rewire: Managing Retirement in the 21st Century; The Corner Office; An Eye for an Eye; The Buck Stops Here - Learnings of a #Startup Entrepreneur and The Buck Stops Here – My Journey from a Manager to an Entrepreneur.

Twitter: @gargashutosh

Instagram: ashutoshgarg56

Blog: ashutoshgargin.wordpress.com | ashutoshgarg56.blogspot.com

सेवानिवृत्ति और आपके जीवन साथी के साथ संबंध - भाग 2

कामकाजी जीवन के अंत में हम सभी को सेवानिवृत्ति के बड़े बदलाव का सामना करना पड़ता है और फिर हमारे सामने एक अलग समस्या होती है कि रोज़मर्रा का काम का तनाव न रहने पर अब इस पूरे समय को कैसे बिताया जाएँ। तिस पर जीवनसाथी के साथ 24 घंटे तारतम्य बैठाने के तनाव से भी साबका होता है।

किसी समय आप दोनों केवल सुबह-शाम ही एक-दूसरे से मिला करते थे, आपके पास बच्चों और अपने काम के तनाव के बारे में करने के लिए बहुत-सी बातें हुआ करती थीं लेकिन अब अचानक आपके पास बहुत सारा समय होता है और आपके पास काम के बारे में बात करने जैसा कुछ खास नहीं रह जाता। 

इन दो बातों को समायोजित करने का परिणाम आपको तनाव देने के लिए पर्याप्त हो सकता है।  

इस लेख के पहले भाग की निरंतरता को बनाए रखते हुए मैंने अपने और अपने दोस्तों के जीवन से कुछ अनुभवों को लिया है जिससे आप दोनों घर-परिवार में वैवाहिक माधुर्य को बरकरार रख सकते हैं :

ü  घर पर अपने लिए जगह बनाएँ -  यह हमेशा अच्छा होता है कि आप अपने घर में कुछ ऐसी जगहें निर्धारित करें जो केवल ‘आपकी’ हो। हो सकता है वह कोई कुर्सी हो जिस पर बैठकर केवल आप, अख़बार पढ़ते हो या कोई मेज जिस पर आप अपने दोस्तों के साथ पत्ते खेल सकें या लिखने की कोई छोटी डेस्क, जिसे आप अपनी कह सके। अपने ही घर में आपके पास ऐसी जगह होनी चाहिए, जहाँ, जब भी आपका मन चाहे आप वहाँ बैठकर अपनी ‘छोटी-छोटी खुशियाँ’ पा सकें।

ü  थोड़ समय “अपने” “अकेले” के लिए निकालें - कभी-कभी अकेले रहना बहुत ज़रूरी होता है ताकि आप खुद को कुछ समय दे सकें, अपने आप से बात कर सकें और मनन कर सकें। आपके साथी ने आपके लिए जो कुछ किया उसकी प्रशंसा में भी आप इस समय का सदुपयोग कर सकते हैं।

दंपत्तियों के पास अलग-अलग कमरों में अलग-अलग कंप्यूटर या टीवी होना चाहिए। इससे आप ख़ुद-ब-ख़ुद कुछ समय अपने लिए अलग से निकाल पाएँगे।

आपको एक साथ रहने और अकेले रहने के बीच के संतुलन को स्थापित करने की आवश्यकता है। हर चीज़ एक साथ करना और पूरे समय साथ-साथ रहना कुछ युगलों के लिए कारगर हो सकता है, लेकिन आम तौर पर साँस लेने जितनी थोड़ी खुली जगह रिश्ते में ताज़गी लाती है खासकर सेवानिवृत्ति के बाद।

ü  अपने साथी की ज़रूरतों का सम्मान करें - यदि आपका साथी देर से सोना पसंद करता है और आप सुबह जल्दी उठने वालों में से है, तो सुबह उठने पर आपको जो चीज़ें लगने वाली हैं उन्हें अलग कमरे में रखना शुरू कर दीजिए और साथी की नींद ख़राब किए बिना आहिस्ता-से कमरे के बाहर निकलिए। इससे आपकी साथी की नज़र में आपका स्थान निश्चित ही और ऊँचा हो जाएगा।

ü  हर सुबह तैयार रहें - पुरुषों के लिए यह बात ख़ासकर लागू होती है कि उन्हें अब भी हर सुबह वैसे ही तैयार हो जाना चाहिए जैसे वे काम पर निकलने के लिए हुआ करते थे, न कि दोपहर के भोजन के समय तक बीती रात के कपड़ों में अलसाते हुए इधर-उधर घूमते रहे। इससे आप घर की दिनचर्या को गड़बड़ा कर रख देंगे,चूँकि आप सेवानिवृत्त हो चुके है तो वैसे भी यह एक तयशुदा कारण है जो आपके साथी के तनाव को बढ़ा रहा है।

इतना ही नहीं, यह दिनचर्या आपको पूरे दिन कुछ अधिक सार्थक करने का विचार करते रहने में सहायक सिद्ध होगी।

ü  कुछ काम तय कर लें, जो आप करेंगे - यह ख़ासकर उन पुरुषों के लिए अधिक प्रासंगिक है जिन्होंने अभी तक घर पर ज़्यादा काम न किया हो। उनके लिए अच्छा होगा कि वे हर दिन के किसी एक काम का जिम्मा अपने ऊपर ले ले जैसे सुबह की पहली चाय बनाना या वाशिंग मशीन चलाना या कुत्ते को सैर पर ले जाना या ऐसा कोई भी काम जिसके लिए आप दोनों सहमत हो।

मैंने यह भी देखा है कि कई सेवानिवृत्त पुरुष बाहर के कामों की जवाबदारी उठाते हैं जैसे कुछ खरीदारी करना हो या सब्जी लाना हो- जो इससे पहले उन्होंने कभी नहीं किए थे। कुछ लोग तो ऐसे काम करना इसलिए भी पसंद करते हैं क्योंकि ये काम उन्हें बाहर जाने और लोगों से मिलने का मौका देते हैं। 

ü  अलग टॉयलेट प्रयोग करना शुरू करें - शादी के कई साल बीतने के बाद भी घर में किसी भी वजह से चिड़चिड़ाहट हो सकती है जैसे टॉयलेट भी घर के तनाव बढ़ाने का अहम कारण हो सकता है। नहाने के बाद तौलिया सूखाने नहीं डाला या सुबह नहाने के बाद वाशरूम का सिंक साफ़ नहीं किया- दंपत्तियों के बीच कोई भी मुद्दा हो सकता है जिसका पता उन्हें शादी के तीन दशकों बाद अब जाकर चलता है और जिस पर वे इन दिनों एक-दूसरे से झगड़ते पाए जा सकते हैं!

यदि आपके घर में दो टॉयलेट हैं तो एक अपने लिए और एक अपने साथी के लिए अलग-अलग तय कर दें।

                          

ü  अपनी रूचियाँ अलग रखें - यदि आप दोनों की सभी रूचियाँ समान है तो जीवन निरस हो जाएगा और आप ऐसा नहीं चाहेंगे। घर पर बात करने के लिए कुछ भी नहीं रहेगा। यदि एक गोल्फ खेलता है और दूसरा ब्रिज तो इसे बढ़ावा दें।

अपनी अलग-अलग रूचियों के बारे में चाय पर या खाना खाते हुए किया गया वार्तालाप धीरे-धीरे आपको अधिक सार्थक संवाद की ओर ले जाएगा जो आपको आपस में बाँधे रखेगा।

ü  कुछ दोस्ती-यारी अलग रखें - यद्यपि आप दोनों के बीच हमेशा मजबूत रिश्ता बना रहेगा और आपका दूसरे लोगों से मिलना-जुलना भी लगभग साथ-साथ होगा, पर आप दोनों की समझदारी इसी में है कि अपने कुछ दोस्त अलग रहने दें। यह आपकी खुद की व्यक्तिगत उन्नति के लिए बेहतर होगा और आपकी अपनी पहचान भी बनी रहेगी।

पुरुषों के सामने अधिक बड़ी चुनौती होती है क्योंकि आम तौर पर उनके कामकाजी जीवन में अल्पकालिन कार्यालयीन रिश्ते होते हैं। इसमें कोई आश्चर्य नहीं, यदि कई पुरुष सेवानिवृत्ति के बाद अपने स्कूल या कॉलेज के दोस्तों की खोजबीन शुरू कर देते हो।   

ü  बहस – शादी के बाद से अब तक आपके पास असहमतियों का पिटारा होगा क्योंकि आप एक-दूसरे का साथ इतने लंबे समय से निभाते चले आ रहे हैं। आप दोनों के पास इतना समय तो नहीं रहा होगा कि ऑफ़िस के लिए दूर जाने या व्यावसायिक यात्रा करने से पहले आप इस बात की राह देखें कि कब माहौल शांत हो। इतने सालों के साथ ने आपको एक-दूसरे के मूड को अच्छी तरह से समझा दिया होगा और यह भी जानते होंगे कि कौन किस बात पर भड़क सकता है।

इस तरह की चर्चाओं से परहेज़ करें और यदि आपको लगता है कि ऐसा कुछ घटित हो रहा है तो पहल करते हुए वहाँ से उठकर कहीं और चले जाएँ। अच्छा होगा कि असहमति पर सहमत हो, न कि एक-दूसरे से लगातार झगड़ते रहे और अगले कुछ दिनों तक के लिए दोनों का जीना दुर्भर हो जाएँ!

किसी ने टिप्पणी की कि उन्होंने सेवानिवृत्ति के बाद अपनी शादी में शांति किस तरह बनाए रखी है:

“ मैं पिछले 33 सालों से अपनी शादी से ख़ुश हूँ। मेरा रहस्य? दो तौलिए। मेरी पत्नी को सुबह नहाने के बाद दो साफ़ तौलिए लगते हैं। हर रात सोने जाने से पहले मैं दो धूले हुए तौलिए निकालकर बाथरूम में रख देता हूँ। इस तरीके से उसे भी यह अहसास होता है कि मैं सोने जाने से पहले आख़री बात उसी के बारे में सोचता हूँ।”

पर शायद, महिलाओं को मैं सबसे अच्छी सलाह यह देना चाहूँगा वे शांत रहें और पति के घर पर होने का आनंद ले। पति के लिए ख़ुश हो जाएँ कि अब उन्हें रोज़ सुबह उठकर जल्दी-जल्दी काम के लिए भागना नहीं पड़ता। जीवन भर काम करने और अपने परिवार की ज़रूरतों को पूरा करने के बदले अब उन्हें यह आराम नसीब हुआ है। अपनी झुंझलाहट और खिंचाव को हल्का करते हुए उसमें से सुकून तलाशे। ऐसी योजनाएँ बनाइएँ जिसे आप दोनों कर सकें या पति को कोई शौक पैदा करने के लिए प्रोत्साहित करें। याद रखिए, उन्हें खाली बैठे रहने की आदत नहीं है और वे आपकी सलाह की अवश्य सराहना करेंगे। पहले-पहले सेवानिवृत्ति की राह उबड़-खाबड़ लग सकती है लेकिन सालभर या कुछ और समय बीत जाने के बाद आपकी दिनचर्या नियमित हो जाएगी।

आपका वैवाहिक नाता अटूट है। आप दोनों स्वतंत्र व्यक्ति हैं। शादी में समझौता और एक-दूसरे को स्वीकारना, आपको पहले से कहीं अधिक करना होगा क्योंकि आप दोनों इसके बाद का पूरा जीवन “दु:खी रहने लगे” वाला नहीं चाहेंगे।

कई सेवानिवृत्त दंपत्ति पहली बार एक ऐसी जीवनशैली जीना सीखते हैं जिसका दोनों आनंद ले सकते हैं और जिससे दोनों की भावनात्मक ज़रूरतें पूरी होती है। वे अपनी उन आदतों को बदल डालते हैं जिनकी वजह से दशकों तक उनका रिश्ता कष्टप्रद था। एक-दूसरे को चोट देते रहने से बचना, एक-दूसरे की भावनात्मक ज़रूरतों को समझना…ये सब सीखते हुए अब जीवन के हर दूसरे दिन वे एक-दूसरे से ख़ौफ़ खाए नहीं रहते।

अपने जीवन बचे हुए वर्षों को देखते हुए ख़ुशी-ख़ुशी जीने के लिए समायोजन कीजिए।

                              

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लेखक गार्डियन फार्मेसीज के संस्थापक अध्यक्ष हैं. वे ५ बेस्ट सेलर पुस्तकों – रीबूट- Reboot. रीइंवेन्ट Reinvent. रीवाईर Rewire: 21वीं सदी में सेवानिवृत्ति का प्रबंधन, Managing Retirement in the 21st Century; द कॉर्नर ऑफ़िस, The Corner Office; एन आई फ़ार एन आई An Eye for an Eye; द बक स्टॉप्स हीयर- The Buck Stops Here – लर्निंग ऑफ़ अ # स्टार्टअप आंतरप्रेनर और Learnings of a #Startup Entrepreneur and द बक स्टॉप्स हीयर- माय जर्नी फ़्राम अ मैनेजर टू ऐन आंतरप्रेनर, The Buck Stops Here – My Journey from a Manager to an Entrepreneur. के लेखक हैं.

• ट्विटर : @gargashutosh                                      
• इंस्टाग्राम : ashutoshgarg56                                      
• ब्लॉग : ashutoshgargin.wordpress.com | ashutoshgarg56.blogspot.com